we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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