I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
