Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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