Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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