but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
