Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
