I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
