Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
