advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
