dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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