i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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