Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
