Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
