meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize