there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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