You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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