If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why did my mother make you get naked?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
