I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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