I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
