Already got asked if we're dating
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize