I wannas sexs uuuuu
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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