Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
