drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
