i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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