Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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