i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
