hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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