How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize