My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
