....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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