i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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