Only a mothe r could love this liver
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize