I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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