I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
