I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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