Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
