dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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