I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
