STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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