There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
