just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
