i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ladies don't puke and tell
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
