ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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