you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
