im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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