I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My life is pants optional.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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