eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
