Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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