so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
