her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
