she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
