Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize