I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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