in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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