does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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