Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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