I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
