Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
