Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
