Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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