Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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