Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Gay?
German.
Pity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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