yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
