my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
