i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
