can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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