Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
