I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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