i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
