Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
