nut hugger
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
