Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
