I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize