Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
