i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
