I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
