At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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