He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize