last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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