someone threw a dead crab at me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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