Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
