no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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