Sry I called you an 8
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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