Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
