I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
