i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
