I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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