I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
