my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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