Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
