Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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