Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my being single is dangerous.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
