am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
