did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
