It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
