smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
