And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
barbara walters just said penis...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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