Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize