If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
