hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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