Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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