I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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