Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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