How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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