He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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