So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
