I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
