**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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