remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
