kristin has been a bad kristin
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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