Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
