The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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