YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
